So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
