i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
