I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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