A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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