just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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