I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
