Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
