Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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