You're my little dorito
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
