matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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