Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
