Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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