And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
