I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i've created a new STD.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
