Plan B is the new Plan A
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
