Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I smell stomach acid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
