shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is Oprah even human
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
