Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize