I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
