youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
