we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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