We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
