How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The air was thick with penises
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize