i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
