End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He felt like a one man threesome
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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