What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
