i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
