oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
