we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
