it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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