I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
