...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
