haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
