the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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