Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
