After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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