you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize