OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
