I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
