when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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