i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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