saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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