Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
