You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize