Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
