I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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