I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm too high and old for this...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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