this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
