Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i love accidental penises.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BRING THE BAGELS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
