I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was like eating out sand paper
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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