this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
