Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize