worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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