***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
