WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
