We're like a lot better than the average bears
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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