My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
