just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
