He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
