this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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