I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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