Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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