if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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