somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
