I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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