i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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