I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
