I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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