to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
