Me too!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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