Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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