420 ftw
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize