I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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