I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
