Can i not drive my cunt home
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
NoShamevember. You game?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
