I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
