Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
