Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
