I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
