I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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