What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
