They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm like, not good at living.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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