We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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