So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
