I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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