Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
