Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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