tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i came on her dog
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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