VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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