waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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