Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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