wanna go halves on a baby?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
