im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
