So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
