I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
