I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
