cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
