If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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