I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize